01 | DADDY TOLD ME
There are many people without a true father figure or positive role model. Especially ones that offer words of encouragement and share meaningful life lessons to make the world a better place.
How To Defy The Odds.
You said I don’t have a seat at the table. You said my dreams are merely dreams which have no reality what so ever. You said that often chip don’t fall to far from the block. That whatever happened in history, it shall repeat itself. You added that I don’t think you’re good enough. You said I wish you weren’t here. You said he’s an exception to the rule. You said she doesn’t know any better. You said he really can’t compete. That she is just another dumb blonde. You said her curves were pretty convincing, more importantly her ASSets were more creditable. You said she should continue to shine like like a trophy but should never speak a word. You said the Rooney Rule was a way out. You said that this job was for the pocket passer. You said I’m sorry I can’t help you. You said we’re closed. You said my hair weighed more than my opinion. That my dreadlocks were defiant. You said the position has been filled. You said he doesn’t know how to read and most likely doesn’t want to learn. You said prison is cheaper than education. You said I don’t see color when I look at you. You said it is unlikely that things would change. You said you’re just another one of them.
What are the odds not in your favor? Does it concern your skin color, your work ethic, your attitude, your hair, your size, your faith? So many stereotypes prevents us from breaking down barriers in order to defy the odds against us. Your job is to defy the odds. What does it mean to defy the odds?
It means to set yourself up to beat the naysayers, to create an image that shocks the precedent, to believe in yourself and believe in your worth that you are important and valued for who you are and what YOU bring to the table.
Make it happen regardless of what the majority says. It takes strong effort, deep courage and lasting patience. Don’t accept the number to the role of another stereotype. Defy the odds.
check your brother,
check him often
Often times we are to caught up in the approval of oneself that we fail to reach out to others and give a helping hand. Too complacent with the idea that I have to look out for myself before I help anyone else out. Place the pride aside for a chance and become a brother to your neighbor. Do not be afraid to step in and be a coach and share the right thing to do. In the words of one of my fraternity brothers “you are out of order.” We take these words to heart and truly evaluate the situation at hand whether we are doing what is right. Not being afraid to let someone know that this is not right.
For example, When me and my friends were to go out to eat at local restaurant, many would be hesitant to leave a tip subsequent to our meal. Not because they did not have the money but because of shallow immature reasons. This is a “you are out of order”moment. Right then and there is where as a brother I would give a few encouraging words sharing the importance of leaving a tip for your waitress/waiter. Doing what is customarily right.
The saying goes “CHECK YOUR BROTHER, CHECK HIM OFTEN”
Today take the time and share a moment with a close family or friend, or even a stranger and let them know something that may change their outlook on life that no one else may ever let them know. Have the courage and confidence to assure to check your “brother” let him/her know you are out of line and have them simply do better.
A Message to the Backseat Drivers
I might as well ride with no hands… “What am I really doing behind the wheel if you are going to drive from the back seat?”
What really gets to me is when I experience individuals who are so critical of everyone else (aka Backseat Drivers). Do you know anyone who sits back and just complains all day long? They tend to always have a problem with the way things are being done? They question your every moves as if it has no purpose. You know one or two of these individuals.
What my DaddyToldMe about these folks …
“You’re Damned If You Do, and Damned If You Don’t.”
Regardless of how you go about doing things someone is going to find fault. It could be executed to the T of your devised planned but there will be one out there that will complain. Take the high road and keep on track towards your goal. Complaining won’t change a thing but your emotions.
When you are given an opportunity you must put the work in and deliver.
"I was crushed as a man when boss came back and told me ...
YOU DIDN'T DELIVER. "
That particular opportunity may never come again
Never Stop Feeding 'em
mamma told me to use a shovel instead of a long handled spoon if I had to.
Her Name Is Chivalry
And She's Not Dead
I thought to share some knowledge with my brothers and sisters on a phenomenon that is quickly being lost among my generation of millennials; and to which most think has died. Have you heard the words; chivalry is dead? The real truth is chivalry isn't dead. And truthfully she will never die. For the reason that individuals really do not know who she is. What most know to be chivalry is mere surface. The common “chivalrous” conduct (or maybe not common anymore if you ask me) of holding the door open for your lady, offering your coat when its cold out, or pumping her gas so she doesn't have to, are all what most see as the definition of chivalry. I’m afraid it isn't. You see it is more than what we see it as and takes a toll on social interaction. Belles and beaus take notes and discuss with a friend. What I am about to share are seven masked realities of this lost phenomenon which will help us keep her alive and well.
1. This isn't new. Chivalrous conduct dates back to that of the medieval era of the noble knight and great valor. Remember DaddyToldMe “Ain’t nothing new under the sun.” The code of chivalry isn’t just favorable actions but it encompasses courage, skill, generosity, bravery and courtesy to women. Take notice of those who are able to execute great courage in every battle not just when someone is watching. These are typically the old sharp as tack men who you run away from when they way let me tell you something about how we use to do things. Next time pull up a seat and learn a thing or two from the old wise men. I know I never miss an opportunity to have a chat with the amen corner.
2. To be chivalrous is to anticipate. Want to be man of the year? You must learn to anticipate.This is the most common nuance that you should remember if you don’t remember anything at all. There isn’t a class on this. Anticipation is a characteristic developed from experience. It’s a game of chess, predicting the next move so that you are prepared to counter without the drop of a dime. When the waiter/waitress fills your drink before you even think to ask this is anticipation; (novice level example) but nonetheless he or she is anticipating. Some may say its guessing or learning a persons tendencies but to me it’s feeling the for next move. Experience is the only teacher with this one.
3. Don’t expect a reward. “Winner winner chicken dinner. I’m sorry no chicken dinner for you.” This is really important to know. These actions do not grant a reward so do not look for one. When you think chivalry think complimentary. Dish out your genuine noble character day to day without the expectation of a pat on the back. This will be hard for those who struggle with living life through incentives but trust me it isn't chivalry if she has to pay for it. "Never stop doing your best because someone didn't give you credit" - author unknown
4. But she’s the woman. Ladies I didn't want to leave you out, so pay attention. History says the man is chivalrous in which I humbly acquiesce and do not have any hard feelings for the women who may disagree with the next point. You too can possess a chivalrous nature that only enhances that of the gentlemen. This is the compliment to a knights courtesy to women. You are a dignitary so move along as one. Belles show favor in social conduct. If you what to experience chivalrous conduct you must place time for it in your day to day. Acknowledge his presence, give time for him to open the door for you, and when he does say thank you kind sir. Surprise and enlighten your “him” with the things he likes. You too can anticipate.
5. This is second nature. If you do it long enough it becomes habitual. This habit is one that you can hold on to for a lifetime. Gentlemen make your efforts at this lifestyle to become second nature. For years, I’ve watched my father every morning during winter wake up and go warm my mothers car before she heads out to work. It has become second nature. The more you engage in this lifestyle, you only begin to craft your skill. Maybe you start small and ensure that you carry a smile everyday but make it habitual.
6. Dapper much? One thing you must never forget and I guarantee. She greatly appreciates a fitted suit, crisp button down and nice pair of hard bottoms. No matter how many pairs of Jordan’s, fitted caps or stylish jeans in your closet ensure that you have that one killer suit (I don’t knock the blazer hustle) that just makes yourself feel good (Cue Rich Homie Quan Walk Through). Guess I can quote Deion on this one. "When you look good, you feel good; and when you feel good, you play good." Even if its not your everyday dress make sure to clean up every once in awhile. I’m not going to dive in the conversation about dreadlocks or clean cut but I’m pretty sure you know my sentiments.
7. Man in the mirror. Finally the last misconception about chivalry is that women are the only subjects. Truthfully you need to include yourself as well. I always say to folks make sure you take care of home. Simply do it because you want a different lifestyle not because you want to impress someone. The attitude of the man in mirror makes the difference. I may have broken gentlemen’s code by sharing such words but it was necessary. And though I sill believe you can’t teach it, I just hope this helps someone begin to approach a new lifestyle.